I wake up this morning, peering into a dark hallway. Cracks of light are sporadically placed down the corridor. It seems to be solemn and without meaning. Dust is everywhere. Something crawls across the floor. A cobweb up in the corner. Yet, there remains a single lit candle in the middle. It burns without shortening. Beyond the candle, you expected more. Coming up to the entrance, the door was ornamented with shiny metals. Polished to perfection, you could fix your hair in it's reflection. Why the deception?
Looking back, someone unrecognizable comes and knocks the candle over. At first, nothing. Then, a spread of fire. It's little at first, but continues to cover a large footprint on the floor. The fire creeps up the wall. The cobwebs begin to dissolve. Creatures begin to scurry out of the path of the flame. You throw water on it, the flame grows hotter.
The hallway is completely consumed. You're expecting to hear creaks and cracks. Why isn't the hallway collapsing? The fire draws back quickly now. It draws back towards the candle. A *poof*. The candle is back in it's place. The hallway is different through. No charred walls or ceiling. The smell of burned wood is non-existent. Instead, the hallway is clean. It's not perfect. Flaws still exist, but the appearance now matches more closely, the door. Simple, perhaps, but no longer a disgusting sight.
An illustration of an unbeliever? Not exactly. This visualizes my life in it's past, present and future. I've grown up in a christian home, been a christian for most of my life. I've also been a great deceiver. I deceived others, friends, family and myself. My life to onlookers was like the door. It was shiny. To onlookers, I was the typical christian home-schooler who didn't do much wrong. I received compliments. Up through Jr. High and high school, I believed even to myself that I was a good Christian. However, I was ultimately like the hallway.
My heart and intentions were ugly. Pride often swelled up in me. I was caught up in more than just pride though. Arrogance is something I struggled with. Purity was high on the chart too. I fact, I'd say it was the problem I struggled with the most, and is what kept me down the most. I lacked passion and drive as well. I didn't know where I wanted go or what I wanted to do.
Something happened though. Someone came and stirred up my life. It wasn't just one person, it was a multiple people. Too many to mention. The candle is the Holy Spirit. Suppressed and inactive because of my own doing. However, the Candle was knocked over and stirred. The flame spread. Up the walls, in the ceiling, along the floor, the fire spread. This seems to be my life at present.
A passion consuming me to which I can't control. When something tries to put it out, it grows. It consumes my being. I have so much I want to do. Goals, expectations and dreams take captive my thoughts. There are ministries I want to be apart of.
I feel that I can also include in this part a feeling of discipline and learning. The flame in the hallway refines and perfects the look, feel and image. I feel myself continually changing for the better. Eventually, the flame will subside and the candle will be replaced.
I hope this is a continuous process. I hope I am constantly being refined and carved. I will never become perfect, but I desire to become a tool for God, not a dirty, grimy hallway.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friendships Unreliable - Pain Unavoidable - Reality Inevitable -- A Call to Love
The title of the blog has 4 parts to it. The first three fit together well. The last part seems to be off on it's own. An explanation is due:
Friendships Unreliable
In life, there will be friendships - deep and shallow alike. Many will be simple. The "chit-chat" friendship. You talk about the weather, perhaps you make jokes together, but neither of you confide in each other. That's ok. Many friendships will be like that in life. In fact, most will be. Rarely will you be hurt by those who are merely acquaintances. However, there are those whose friendships are rooted deep - whether through time, a circumstance, or family. These are the people you would willingly give your life for. You open up and share your struggles and victories. These are the friendships that can destroy a life if they aren't handled with care. The fact is, these friends will eventually let you down. We are human - we fail. They may do it by accident, or perhaps in spite, but it will happen. There is no "if".
Pain Unavoidable
In a deep friendship, there will be pain. Perhaps it can come through a death of a friend, or perhaps though a sharing of one's struggles. More often though, I see a pain that stabs deep in the heart of a person. The stab from a dagger, held in familiar hands. It drives deep and cuts open. It leaves a scar across the heart sealed with tears. This pain will come. I've felt it. It comes without warning. It comes with a blow that will knock the strongest off balance.
Reality Inevitable
This is the real thing. It's inevitable. Without cause or with good reason, a wound will come which will cause you to recoil. If you face this reality, you won't be as surprised when it hits. If you avoid it, you only deceive yourself and put yourself in a vulnerable position. It's a gloom reality.
If I were to leave it at this, one would think, "Ok, I will never open up, I will never reveal my problems or thoughts." I will not, however, end this blog on a grim note. The last part brings it closure; however, first I want to share with you a story.
Recently I was conversing with a friend of mine. This friend had been hurt many times by "friends". Opening up was hard. In the past, my friend had confided in many who were supposedly trusted. However, time after time, each one let down my friend to the point of not trusting anyone. It took a toll. The word used in the conversation was "burned". Without the ability to truly open up to others, many times feelings would be bottled up. I was one of the few my friend had confided in, within the few years.
I related completely....
Time and time again, I have confided and opened up to people I assumed were trust worthy people. Many times it would be a secret that I wanted to share. Within a week, it came back around and everyone knew. It almost seemed the people around me knew what had happened...before it happened. I find something very disturbing with this picture. Do you?
Before I continue, I want to be the first to admit I haven't always been the most reliable or the most trusted friend in the past. I've had my fair share of slip ups. I am not perfect. Therefore, I am breaking this up and writing to two groups of people -- Those who have a listening ear and those who have a seared heart.
To Those who Listen
I hope you are as disgusted as I am by this. Many times I have thought this to myself. "Self - I would never do this sort of thing. I hate it when people do this to me". You very well may be thinking exactly this. Don't deceive yourself. You've let out secrets. Most of the time it's by accident. If not by accident, it's through the assumption that "they won't care if I share this with you". Rarely, (or so I hope) is it done maliciously. However, most of the time, what I've heard people do, and what I am guilty of as well, is telling only one person. You proceed the revelation of the secret with this phrase, "Ok...don't tell anyone but...". First off, you've broken your pact. Second, almost without fail, this person will proceed to another ONE friend and use the exact same phrasing. Before long, the secret is out. Here is a good rule that I stick with. Every conversation is personal, so keep it that way unless otherwise informed. Now, I want to speak both to the guys and the girls.
To the Girls
I want to speak specifically to the girls on this. In all respect, please do not take offense. If you are one who is faithful and trusted, I thank God for your sensitivity. However, the ones whom I have been hurt by the most are girls. Almost without fail, it is a girl who will ask me about something that I might have told someone else about. The reason? Girls talk twice as much as guys do. You don't do it on purpose. That's the way you are built, you love to talk. Nothing is wrong with this. It's how God designed you. However, with it, seems to come the tendency of talking too much about subjects that shouldn't come up. I plead with you to continually be filtering what you are revealing.
I want to tell you something you might not realize. You girls have a much more outward-showing sensitive heart toward things. You relate and are affected by situations. As a guy, I love opening up to a (few) "sisters". These are the girls in my life whom I tell many things to. They show compassion that most guys won't. Don't get me wrong, I also open up to my close guy friends as well (most of the time more so than to girls), but you girls have a special added touch. Don't hurt that. Don't break that. Use it! Use it for the lifting up of your brothers and sisters.
To the Guys
Guys. We have a tendency to not listen. We don't talk as much, yes, which is why less often do we divulge "secrets". We just talk about the dead animal we saw or some ridiculously stupid thing we did. It's how we roll. However, as I said, our ears are closed. I want to exhort you to open your eyes and see the hurt in your friend around you. Whether it's your roommate or your sister, listen and HEAR what they are saying! Do not turn a deaf ear. Many times we don't know what to say. THAT'S OK! Many times we just need to be there and comfort, pray and give a hug. The hurting just want someone to talk to. You don't have to give your "advice". You don't have to quote scripture. Just be a shoulder to lean on.
This is the last section -- A Call to Love. Please consider.
To the Seared Heart
As mentioned above, life hurts sometimes. Your friend perhaps has let you down. You understand my friend's story and mine. Memories came rushing back of a time when your heart was thrust through like a piece of meat. You won't open up to anyone. If you do, details are off limits. All your friends get are the main points, "sub-points" are unshared. You regret the day you even considered befriending and opening up. Let me tell you something - Friendship is a RISK. I will also tell you that this is a risk you MUST take.
Every time you come to someone and pour your heart and soul out, you are gambling. Perhaps it's a gamble with very good odds, but you are still entrusting your heart to another. I want to tell you it's OK to open up. I also want to remind you that you also have probably at some point, done the same to another. You've also hurt someone. You sought forgiveness. Perhaps it was found, but the close bond is not as strong. As you remember this, I want to give you a call to love. If you were hurt by a friend, love them anyway. Remember even when we disappoint and slap Christ in the face every day, He loves us with the same sacrificial and infinite love. We should do the same for our friends. I want you to unconditionally, irrationally, fervently, love them for who they are. NOT what the they have done.
To finish out (if you've made it this far), I want you to read the fourth chapter of 1 John. Love is the theme. No where does it give us an excuse not to love our brother in Christ.
Thoughts and comment are greatly appreciate.
With all Love,
Adam
Friendships Unreliable
In life, there will be friendships - deep and shallow alike. Many will be simple. The "chit-chat" friendship. You talk about the weather, perhaps you make jokes together, but neither of you confide in each other. That's ok. Many friendships will be like that in life. In fact, most will be. Rarely will you be hurt by those who are merely acquaintances. However, there are those whose friendships are rooted deep - whether through time, a circumstance, or family. These are the people you would willingly give your life for. You open up and share your struggles and victories. These are the friendships that can destroy a life if they aren't handled with care. The fact is, these friends will eventually let you down. We are human - we fail. They may do it by accident, or perhaps in spite, but it will happen. There is no "if".
Pain Unavoidable
In a deep friendship, there will be pain. Perhaps it can come through a death of a friend, or perhaps though a sharing of one's struggles. More often though, I see a pain that stabs deep in the heart of a person. The stab from a dagger, held in familiar hands. It drives deep and cuts open. It leaves a scar across the heart sealed with tears. This pain will come. I've felt it. It comes without warning. It comes with a blow that will knock the strongest off balance.
Reality Inevitable
This is the real thing. It's inevitable. Without cause or with good reason, a wound will come which will cause you to recoil. If you face this reality, you won't be as surprised when it hits. If you avoid it, you only deceive yourself and put yourself in a vulnerable position. It's a gloom reality.
If I were to leave it at this, one would think, "Ok, I will never open up, I will never reveal my problems or thoughts." I will not, however, end this blog on a grim note. The last part brings it closure; however, first I want to share with you a story.
Recently I was conversing with a friend of mine. This friend had been hurt many times by "friends". Opening up was hard. In the past, my friend had confided in many who were supposedly trusted. However, time after time, each one let down my friend to the point of not trusting anyone. It took a toll. The word used in the conversation was "burned". Without the ability to truly open up to others, many times feelings would be bottled up. I was one of the few my friend had confided in, within the few years.
I related completely....
Time and time again, I have confided and opened up to people I assumed were trust worthy people. Many times it would be a secret that I wanted to share. Within a week, it came back around and everyone knew. It almost seemed the people around me knew what had happened...before it happened. I find something very disturbing with this picture. Do you?
Before I continue, I want to be the first to admit I haven't always been the most reliable or the most trusted friend in the past. I've had my fair share of slip ups. I am not perfect. Therefore, I am breaking this up and writing to two groups of people -- Those who have a listening ear and those who have a seared heart.
To Those who Listen
I hope you are as disgusted as I am by this. Many times I have thought this to myself. "Self - I would never do this sort of thing. I hate it when people do this to me". You very well may be thinking exactly this. Don't deceive yourself. You've let out secrets. Most of the time it's by accident. If not by accident, it's through the assumption that "they won't care if I share this with you". Rarely, (or so I hope) is it done maliciously. However, most of the time, what I've heard people do, and what I am guilty of as well, is telling only one person. You proceed the revelation of the secret with this phrase, "Ok...don't tell anyone but...". First off, you've broken your pact. Second, almost without fail, this person will proceed to another ONE friend and use the exact same phrasing. Before long, the secret is out. Here is a good rule that I stick with. Every conversation is personal, so keep it that way unless otherwise informed. Now, I want to speak both to the guys and the girls.
To the Girls
I want to speak specifically to the girls on this. In all respect, please do not take offense. If you are one who is faithful and trusted, I thank God for your sensitivity. However, the ones whom I have been hurt by the most are girls. Almost without fail, it is a girl who will ask me about something that I might have told someone else about. The reason? Girls talk twice as much as guys do. You don't do it on purpose. That's the way you are built, you love to talk. Nothing is wrong with this. It's how God designed you. However, with it, seems to come the tendency of talking too much about subjects that shouldn't come up. I plead with you to continually be filtering what you are revealing.
I want to tell you something you might not realize. You girls have a much more outward-showing sensitive heart toward things. You relate and are affected by situations. As a guy, I love opening up to a (few) "sisters". These are the girls in my life whom I tell many things to. They show compassion that most guys won't. Don't get me wrong, I also open up to my close guy friends as well (most of the time more so than to girls), but you girls have a special added touch. Don't hurt that. Don't break that. Use it! Use it for the lifting up of your brothers and sisters.
To the Guys
Guys. We have a tendency to not listen. We don't talk as much, yes, which is why less often do we divulge "secrets". We just talk about the dead animal we saw or some ridiculously stupid thing we did. It's how we roll. However, as I said, our ears are closed. I want to exhort you to open your eyes and see the hurt in your friend around you. Whether it's your roommate or your sister, listen and HEAR what they are saying! Do not turn a deaf ear. Many times we don't know what to say. THAT'S OK! Many times we just need to be there and comfort, pray and give a hug. The hurting just want someone to talk to. You don't have to give your "advice". You don't have to quote scripture. Just be a shoulder to lean on.
This is the last section -- A Call to Love. Please consider.
To the Seared Heart
As mentioned above, life hurts sometimes. Your friend perhaps has let you down. You understand my friend's story and mine. Memories came rushing back of a time when your heart was thrust through like a piece of meat. You won't open up to anyone. If you do, details are off limits. All your friends get are the main points, "sub-points" are unshared. You regret the day you even considered befriending and opening up. Let me tell you something - Friendship is a RISK. I will also tell you that this is a risk you MUST take.
Every time you come to someone and pour your heart and soul out, you are gambling. Perhaps it's a gamble with very good odds, but you are still entrusting your heart to another. I want to tell you it's OK to open up. I also want to remind you that you also have probably at some point, done the same to another. You've also hurt someone. You sought forgiveness. Perhaps it was found, but the close bond is not as strong. As you remember this, I want to give you a call to love. If you were hurt by a friend, love them anyway. Remember even when we disappoint and slap Christ in the face every day, He loves us with the same sacrificial and infinite love. We should do the same for our friends. I want you to unconditionally, irrationally, fervently, love them for who they are. NOT what the they have done.
To finish out (if you've made it this far), I want you to read the fourth chapter of 1 John. Love is the theme. No where does it give us an excuse not to love our brother in Christ.
Thoughts and comment are greatly appreciate.
With all Love,
Adam
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thoughts - aren't they the problem?
So often I feel like people think too much. Or perhaps they don't think enough? Maybe they don't think enough on the right things and think too much on the wrong things? Ok, too much thinking going on here....
*pause*
*breath*
The past semester has been busy beyond belief. Looking back in my life, there has never been a time before this that my time has been more consumed by activities and school. I'm not complaining because I'd rather be busy than sitting around wondering what to do. I've enjoyed being stretched and tried. Being put into different leadership roles and Christian services has been an amazing learning time. It's tested me and refined me. James 1:2-5.
I've come to the realization that my time at Frontier has been divided into 3 major sections of lessons:
Freshman year - Discipline/Devotions
Junior year - Humility/Inadequacy
Senior year - Leadership/responsibility
I don't think I could have learned these lessons in any other order. There is no way I could be a leader if I wasn't humble and servant minded. There is no way that I would have come to realize that I needed to be humble until I disciplined myself to the point of reading God's Word and seeing how to change!
During my busy schedule this semester, I've been able to think a lot about different things:
Ideas concerning purity.
Ideas concerning boldness and proclamation of the Gospel to those around me.
Ideas on persecution.
Relationships and contentment is another big thing.
Friendships and their affects on people.
Convictions - mine or the Bibles?
Internships - Here? There? Anywhere?
Love - the ultimate sacrifice
Girls - will we understand them....ever? (probably not)
Prayer
I do think one of the biggest things that has stuck out though is my recent desire to witness and talk to people! I want to tell anyone I run into about Christ. To give out a tract or to love someone. I pray for situations where I might be able to talk to someone about God. Shouldn't I find joy in that?
Another big thing I've been thinking about recently (in the past few weeks) is the idea of prayer! How we downsize prayer! Why do American Christians forget to pray? Shouldn't we look for any opportunity to practically stand in the presence of God and speak to Him? I think so! Should we so flippantly pray to God? I think not! We should FALL on our KNEES and worship God in His holiness!
Snow - it's evil - just thought I'd say that.
When someone hurts, I want to take it from them. Recently, I've found someone who relates to my "problem" of taking on everyone's problems. Feeling their pain. It was a good time and discussion. She's become quite a good friend of mine (ya'll who are reading this, don't take this the wrong way. She's a good friend. No Mom, I'm not bringing home a "pretty princess". She's not that girl).
Is this really a problem? I think it's a blessing in so many ways actually. Perhaps it might affect me in some ways, but I'd rather be able to help a person through something and trade my self-comfort for their assurance that I am there for them even though I may not fully understand their circumstances. A verse that has helped me recently a lot is Ps. 34:17-18. It's been comforting many times since I've found it. Thank you God for Your Word.
Laughter - a blessing, except when you laugh at the wrong time. This happen either in chapel when everyone is quiet and you just got the joke that was told 5 minutes ago, or when something sad happens and you don't pick up on it and you say something sarcastic or funny. Avoid these situations at all costs (unless you want some good stories to tell your grandchildren).
I've enjoyed decorating my room. I have mountain dew cut outs all over and other cardboard boxes up on the wall, as well as all of the cans that my roommate and I have drunken (I know it's not a word, but I like it) over the past semester. It looks like a good 50 cans or so right now. 2/3's are mine...:-).
So, there are my thoughts. Take them, leave them. You might disagree on some things (such as snow being evil), but they are what's on my mind. God is good - end of story!
Adam
*pause*
*breath*
The past semester has been busy beyond belief. Looking back in my life, there has never been a time before this that my time has been more consumed by activities and school. I'm not complaining because I'd rather be busy than sitting around wondering what to do. I've enjoyed being stretched and tried. Being put into different leadership roles and Christian services has been an amazing learning time. It's tested me and refined me. James 1:2-5.
I've come to the realization that my time at Frontier has been divided into 3 major sections of lessons:
Freshman year - Discipline/Devotions
Junior year - Humility/Inadequacy
Senior year - Leadership/responsibility
I don't think I could have learned these lessons in any other order. There is no way I could be a leader if I wasn't humble and servant minded. There is no way that I would have come to realize that I needed to be humble until I disciplined myself to the point of reading God's Word and seeing how to change!
During my busy schedule this semester, I've been able to think a lot about different things:
Ideas concerning purity.
Ideas concerning boldness and proclamation of the Gospel to those around me.
Ideas on persecution.
Relationships and contentment is another big thing.
Friendships and their affects on people.
Convictions - mine or the Bibles?
Internships - Here? There? Anywhere?
Love - the ultimate sacrifice
Girls - will we understand them....ever? (probably not)
Prayer
I do think one of the biggest things that has stuck out though is my recent desire to witness and talk to people! I want to tell anyone I run into about Christ. To give out a tract or to love someone. I pray for situations where I might be able to talk to someone about God. Shouldn't I find joy in that?
Another big thing I've been thinking about recently (in the past few weeks) is the idea of prayer! How we downsize prayer! Why do American Christians forget to pray? Shouldn't we look for any opportunity to practically stand in the presence of God and speak to Him? I think so! Should we so flippantly pray to God? I think not! We should FALL on our KNEES and worship God in His holiness!
Snow - it's evil - just thought I'd say that.
When someone hurts, I want to take it from them. Recently, I've found someone who relates to my "problem" of taking on everyone's problems. Feeling their pain. It was a good time and discussion. She's become quite a good friend of mine (ya'll who are reading this, don't take this the wrong way. She's a good friend. No Mom, I'm not bringing home a "pretty princess". She's not that girl).
Is this really a problem? I think it's a blessing in so many ways actually. Perhaps it might affect me in some ways, but I'd rather be able to help a person through something and trade my self-comfort for their assurance that I am there for them even though I may not fully understand their circumstances. A verse that has helped me recently a lot is Ps. 34:17-18. It's been comforting many times since I've found it. Thank you God for Your Word.
Laughter - a blessing, except when you laugh at the wrong time. This happen either in chapel when everyone is quiet and you just got the joke that was told 5 minutes ago, or when something sad happens and you don't pick up on it and you say something sarcastic or funny. Avoid these situations at all costs (unless you want some good stories to tell your grandchildren).
I've enjoyed decorating my room. I have mountain dew cut outs all over and other cardboard boxes up on the wall, as well as all of the cans that my roommate and I have drunken (I know it's not a word, but I like it) over the past semester. It looks like a good 50 cans or so right now. 2/3's are mine...:-).
So, there are my thoughts. Take them, leave them. You might disagree on some things (such as snow being evil), but they are what's on my mind. God is good - end of story!
Adam
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